The “candy” melted in my mouth. Bitterness spread through my entire oral cavity. I couldn’t hold it in and bent over, dry-heaving as sour liquid mixed with saliva spilled from the corners of my mouth.

It was something Mother had hidden three years ago, shoved deep inside the wardrobe. Back then, she would often sit by my bed in the middle of the night, her eyes hollow as she said:

“Why haven’t you died yet?”

Now, I was simply fulfilling the obsession she had carried all those years.

I wore a little floral dress, the hem frayed and torn. It was the same style my younger sister used to wear until it grew old—long ago, it had already stopped fitting me.

But Mother said… I had to keep dressing like this, only then would I resemble my sister.

From the living room came Mother’s laughter, gentle to a degree I had never heard before.

She stroked her belly while talking to Father:

“The doctor said it’s definitely a girl this time. Look how good this pregnancy is.” Her voice was cloyingly sweet. “From now on… I won’t have to look at that debt-collecting demon’s face anymore.”

I wanted to see Mother’s smile one last time.

The moment I reached the door, Father noticed me first. He frowned and asked, “Haohao, why aren’t you doing your homework?”

His gaze swept over the floral dress I was wearing, then hurriedly moved away, as if he had seen something unpleasant.

Mother turned around and saw me. The smile on her face instantly froze.

“Who allowed you to come out here? Your hair’s short again. Didn’t I tell you to grow it long like Xiao Qi’s?”

She strode over quickly and jabbed her finger hard into my forehead.

“All you do is make people worry. Once Xiao Qi is born, if you dare bully her, I’ll break your legs.”

I shrank back. The red mark on my forehead burned faintly.

The “candy” in my stomach seemed to start dissolving. Waves of pain crashed in, so intense that I had to double over.

Father took a step forward to help me, but Mother immediately pulled him back.

“Don’t touch him. Who knows, maybe he’s pretending to be sick to beg for sympathy.”

I bit my lip and said nothing, slowly dragging myself back to my room.

With every step, it felt like knives slicing through my abdomen. My limbs gradually went numb; even the hand gripping the doorframe trembled uncontrollably.

I collapsed onto the bed. My body began to convulse beyond my control.

The door opened. Father came in carrying a cup of warm water.

He set it on my bedside, hesitated for a long time, then said, “Haohao, your mother is pregnant. Her mood isn’t good. Don’t take it to heart.”

I shook my head, but only a faint groan came out. In my blurred vision, Father’s figure began to overlap.

He sighed, then merely pulled the blanket over me.

“Get some good sleep. You’ll be fine tomorrow.”

When he left, he closed the door behind him. Everything fell completely silent.

I took out the cloth doll hidden beneath my pillow. It had been my sister’s favorite when she was alive.

The fabric was worn smooth with age. I cleaned it every single day.

Mother said it belonged to Xiao Qi and told me to take good care of it. Last time, when classmates snatched it away, I fought desperately and endured a beating just to get it back.

Gradually, my vision darkened. I hugged the doll tightly and closed my eyes.

Mom, my sister is about to come back.
You won’t have to feel upset anymore when you see me—this substitute.

That’s good.
That’s really good.

2

Little by little, I realized I no longer felt any pain.

I was like a dandelion seed lifted by the wind, floating lightly in midair, able to clearly see the small body lying on the bed below.

The wrinkled floral dress was wrapped around that boy. His face was paper-white, his lips an unnatural purplish color. Dried bile still clung to the corner of his mouth, and his hand was clenched tightly around the cloth doll.

When Mother pushed the door open and walked in, I was looking down at my own hands.

They were transparent—sunlight passed right through them. I could even see the photograph of my sister.

Mother didn’t look at the body on the bed. She walked straight to the desk, picked up my sister’s photo, and wiped it over and over while muttering:

“Xiao Qi, today Mommy bought you a new cradle. Do you like pink or blue?”

She turned to leave and accidentally kicked the bedframe.

Only then did she glance impatiently at the bed and frown.

“Still sleeping? The sun’s already shining on your butt. Get up and make breakfast. Are you trying to starve me and Xiao Qi to death?”

I flew in front of her, trying to speak, but she couldn’t hear me. She slipped into her slippers and walked out, softly humming a lullaby.

From the living room came the sound of Father cracking eggs, mixed with Mother’s instructions:

“Add two more spoonfuls of sugar. Xiao Qi used to like sweet things.”

I drifted to the kitchen doorway and saw Father placing pancakes on a plate, shaped like hearts.

I used to dislike this kind of pancake. But after my sister died, Father only ever made heart-shaped ones. He said Xiao Qi liked hearts.

Mother took the plate and carefully set it in the middle of the table, as if offering a treasure.

“Go wake him up to eat,” she said to Father impatiently. “Don’t let him delay our trip to buy Xiao Qi’s cradle.”

Father set down the glass of milk and walked toward my room.

I followed him. He stood by the bed, raised his hand, then lowered it again. In the end, he only lightly touched the blanket.

“Haohao, wake up,” he said softly. “We’re going to buy a cradle today. Do you want to come with us?”

The person on the bed didn’t react at all. Father’s fingers trembled. He gently pushed my shoulder.

“Haohao?”

Mother’s voice came from the living room, sharp with irritation.

“Why are you dawdling? Is he pretending to sleep again?”

She rushed in, and when she saw Father standing motionless by the bed, she exploded.

“He’s definitely pretending! He doesn’t want us to buy a cradle for Xiao Qi! Forget him—let’s go buy the cradle. Xiao Qi is waiting!”

Father didn’t move. He stared at the bed, his voice shaking.

“He’s our child too.”

“No!” Mother screamed. “My only child is Xiao Qi! He’s the murderer who killed Xiao Qi!”

She grabbed the photo frame from the desk and smashed it to the ground. Shards of glass cut into Father’s hand.

Father said nothing. He quietly picked up the shards and wrapped the wound with a tissue.

The phone rang in the living room—it was my teacher calling from school.

Mother answered immediately, her voice turning gentle.

“Hello, teacher. About Xiao Qi… oh, no, about Chu Haoran?”

When the teacher asked why I hadn’t come to school, Mother’s voice turned icy.

“He skipped school on purpose. Don’t bother with him. Let him fend for himself.”

After hanging up, Mother dragged Father toward the door.

“Let’s go. Don’t let him delay buying the cradle for Xiao Qi.”

Father looked back at my room once. His steps faltered, but in the end, he was still pulled away by Mother.

The moment the door closed, I saw Father lift his hand to wipe his eyes.

The house became terrifyingly silent, with only the ticking of the wall clock marking time.

I floated back to the bed and looked at myself lying there.

The face was still round, but the body had grown so thin it was distorted. The chin was so sharp it hurt to look at.

My hair was much shorter now, nowhere near the length Mother demanded—nothing like my sister’s flowing hair.

I remembered the last time I got a haircut. The barber accidentally cut it a little too short, and Mother flew into a rage, saying he had ruined Xiao Qi’s appearance.

When we got home, she made me kneel for two hours and said I didn’t deserve to have hair like Xiao Qi’s.

Back then, as I knelt on the floor and stared at my sister’s photo, I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of unfamiliarity.

3

In the afternoon, my parents returned carrying a pink cradle embroidered with a little princess.

Mother smiled so widely she couldn’t close her mouth.

As she placed the cradle in the middle of the living room, she said to Father, “Xiao Qi will definitely love this. She used to like hugging princesses to sleep.”

Father glanced toward my room and asked quietly, “Should we go check on Haohao?”

Mother’s face darkened instantly.

“Why check on him? When he gets hungry, he’ll crawl out on his own.”

She sat beside the cradle and gently rocked it, softly humming a lullaby, her eyes so tender they seemed ready to melt.

I drifted over silently and looked at the pink cradle.

Small. Delicate. Exactly the kind my sister would have liked.

Mother once said she would buy one for her birthday—but before that birthday came, my sister was already gone.

Now the cradle was here, and its tiny owner would soon return in another way.

Suddenly, Mother lifted her head, as if sensing something, and looked in my direction.

I startled and hurried up to the ceiling. Her gaze swept across the empty living room, she frowned slightly, then lowered her head and continued rocking the cradle.

“Xiao Qi,” Mother said softly, “Mommy is waiting for you to come back. I won’t let you leave again.”

I looked at Mother’s profile and felt no sadness at all.

She had finally gotten her Xiao Qi back.
And I—the substitute—should disappear completely now.

That way, everyone would be happy.

On the morning of the third day, frantic knocking echoed from downstairs, as if someone were trying to smash the door down.

I floated into the living room and saw Mother open the door irritably. Standing outside was Teacher Li, my homeroom teacher.

“Hello, Mrs. Chu—Hao Ran’s mother,” Teacher Li said seriously. “Haohao hasn’t come to school for three days. No one answered my calls, so I had to come in person.”

She looked into the apartment and asked, “Is Haohao at home?”

Mother’s expression instantly turned ugly. She blocked the doorway, refusing to let her in.

“He’s at home. He’s just sulking and doesn’t want to go to school. You don’t need to worry. I’ll discipline him.”

“This isn’t about sulking,” Teacher Li frowned. “Last week, classmates reported that Haohao was being bullied—his clothes were stripped off, and cold water was poured on him. I wanted to discuss this with you, but I couldn’t reach you.”

Mother reacted as if her tail had been stepped on and jumped up furiously.

“Don’t listen to children’s nonsense! It must be Hao Ran’s fault—he provoked them first! That kid has been vicious since birth. He killed Xiao Qi, and now he wants to play the victim to get sympathy!”

Teacher Li’s expression grew increasingly grave.

“I’ve seen the injuries on Haohao’s body—they’re all recent. I also investigated. Haohao was beaten because he protected another student. At school, he’s very well-behaved and studies hard. You can’t talk about him like that.”

“Well-behaved?!” Mother screamed, loud enough for the entire hallway to hear. “If he were well-behaved, Xiao Qi wouldn’t be dead! He’s a jinx! I should never have let him survive!”

Teacher Li was shaken by Mother’s outburst and could only sigh.

“If you continue like this, I’ll have no choice but to report it to the Board of Education. Haohao is a good child. You cannot treat him this way.”

With that, she turned and left. Mother continued cursing until Teacher Li disappeared down the stairs.

Mother slammed the door shut, shaking with rage. She marched to my bedroom door and kicked it hard.

“Chu Haoran! Look at the mess you’ve caused! Even the teacher came knocking! Why don’t you just die already?!”

I hovered beside her, staring at that twisted face, when memories from when I was four years old suddenly resurfaced.

Back then, my sister and I fell into the river together. I desperately grabbed her hand, but the current was too strong and swept us both away.

When I was pulled ashore, the first thing I saw was Mother holding my sister’s body and crying.

The very first thing she said to me was:

“Why didn’t you die?”

Father came out of his study and stopped her.

“Stop shouting. The neighbors can hear.”

His voice was very soft.

“Haohao hasn’t eaten for three days. Let’s go take a look.”

Mother slapped his hand away.

“Why bother? He won’t die.”

But this time, Father didn’t listen to her. He pushed the door open and went inside. Mother hesitated, then followed.

Father walked closer and lifted the blanket. Sunlight spilled over my body.

My face was deathly pale, my lips purple, dried blood still at the corner of my mouth…

“H-Haohao?”
Father called my name in a trembling voice. His hand reached for my neck to check my pulse—then his whole body collapsed to the floor.

Mother froze in shock. She bent down to test my breathing, her hands shaking so badly she almost fell over.

“No… no way.” She muttered, staring wide-eyed at my face. “He’s pretending… he must be pretending!”

Father pulled out his phone, fingers quivering as he tried to dial 120. But Mother suddenly lunged at him and snatched the phone away.

“Don’t call! You can’t call!” Her voice cracked as if she were about to cry. “If outsiders find out he’s dead, they’ll say we abused him! Xiao Qi hasn’t been born yet—we can’t let there be any stain on us!”

“He’s our son!” Father roared, exploding in anger at her for the first time. “Look at him! He’s only seven years old! How could you be so cruel?!”

He shoved Mother aside and dialed 120, choking so badly he could barely give the address.

Mother collapsed onto the floor, staring at me on the bed, then suddenly broke down crying.

Not the furious crying from before, but a desperate, helpless sob—like a child who had lost her way.

“I didn’t mean to…” she murmured. “I just missed Xiao Qi too much… I thought he could live in her place…”

I hovered beside them, watching Father’s red-rimmed eyes as he pulled the blanket over me, watching Mother clutch my hand and cry until she couldn’t breathe.

My heart was calm—no hatred, no resentment.

Like wind brushing across the surface of a lake, leaving only a ripple that quickly faded.

The sound of the ambulance grew closer. Mother suddenly sprang up and ran to the living room, hiding the pink cradle inside the cabinet on the balcony.

When she came back, tear stains were still on her face, yet she still warned Father:

“Don’t tell the doctors that we already bought a cradle for Xiao Qi. They’ll think too much.”

Father didn’t answer. He just looked at her silently.

The doctors and nurses entered. After examining me, they shook their heads and said to Father:

“We’re very sorry. The child has been deceased for several days. Preliminary diagnosis: drug poisoning.”

“Drug poisoning?!” Mother screamed suddenly. “Impossible! Where would he get medicine?!”

Her gaze swept to the bedside cabinet. When she saw the empty bottle of “candies,” her whole body stiffened.

They were rat poison—something she had hidden three years ago and forgotten to throw away. I had found it long ago.

“I killed him…” Mother collapsed to the ground, tears pouring down like broken beads. “That day I even scolded him… even made him cook breakfast…”

She crawled forward, grabbed my hand, and sobbed uncontrollably.

“Haohao, I’m sorry… Mom was wrong… can you come back?”

I floated in front of her, wanting to touch her face—but my hand passed straight through her cheek.

Mom, I don’t blame you. Really.

I’m just too tired.
Being a shadow for three years… I want to be myself.

The nurses placed me onto a stretcher. Father followed silently, his steps unbearably heavy.

Mother suddenly jumped up, as if losing her mind, chasing after them.

“Wait! My Haohao!”

She wasn’t watching where she was going and slammed hard into the doorframe. Her forehead split open, blood streaming down, but she didn’t care—she kept chasing the stretcher.

I hovered beside them, watching Mother collapse at the top of the stairs, watching Father turn back to help her, watching them cling to each other and cry as one.

A faint warmth stirred in my chest.
So Mother did care about me after all—
it was just that missing my sister had blinded her.

Downstairs, I saw Auntie Zhang standing by the roadside, a small blue-and-pink shirt still in her hands.

When she saw the stretcher, she covered her mouth and burst into tears.

“Haohao… the shirt Grandma made for you—you never even got to wear it…”

Sunlight fell on the shirt, bright and shimmering, so beautiful.

If I had worn it, I might have looked like a little prince.

Too bad… I don’t have that chance anymore.

5

The nurses wheeled my body into the hospital morgue. My parents trailed behind, step by step, as if their souls had already left them.

The hospital corridor was long. Cold white lights illuminated their haggard figures, making them look even more desolate.

I floated in the air, watching Father hold my body and cry like a child.

He stroked my cheek again and again, calling my name.

“Haohao, Dad is sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed silent. I shouldn’t have let you suffer so much injustice.”

Mother collapsed to her knees, crawling forward to clutch my legs. Tears soaked my clothes.

“Haohao, can you forgive Mom? I didn’t mean it. I just missed Xiao Qi too much… come back, okay? I’ll buy you shirts, I’ll let you cut your hair short. You can do whatever you want. I won’t force you anymore.”

Looking at their unbearable pain, I felt no satisfaction, no revenge—only endless sorrow.

If only… just a little earlier, they had treated me like this.
How good that would have been.

That night, my parents returned home. Everything was exactly the same—everywhere filled with traces of my sister.

Her photo still hung in the living room. Her toys filled the shelves. Even in my room, her old clothes were still there.

Mother walked into my room, looked at those little girls’ dresses, and completely collapsed.

She cried as she threw them to the ground, trampling them madly with her feet.

“These things killed Haohao! I killed my own child!”

Father silently picked up each piece of clothing, folded them neatly, and placed them into a trunk.

He opened the drawer of my desk and found a locked diary—the only place where I had poured out my heart for three years.

He found the key and opened it.

Inside were childish, crooked words, recording all my pain and suffering over those three years.

“Mom hit me again today because I wore a shirt. She said I disgraced Xiao Qi.”

“Classmates bullied me again. They said I’m a fake girl, a monster. I’m really sad, but I don’t dare cry.”

“Dad bought me strawberry cake today. Dad said he was sorry.”

“I’m so tired. I don’t want long hair. I don’t want to wear my sister’s clothes. But I’m afraid Mom and Dad will be sad.”

“Mom is pregnant. Xiao Qi is coming back. That’s great. Does that mean I’ll finally be free?”

Father stared at the diary as tears dripped onto the pages, blurring the words.

Only then did he understand how much damage his three years of silence had done to me.

He had always been like this—between Mother’s madness and my suffering, he chose silence and compromise.

I still remember my first day of elementary school.

That day I wore a faded floral dress that had been washed too many times, carried a pink schoolbag that used to belong to my sister, and was pushed straight into the classroom by Mother.

“Remember this clearly—you are Chu Xiao Qi, not Chu Haoran.” She whispered in my ear, her fingers gripping my wrist so tightly it almost crushed my bones. “If you expose yourself, I’ll throw you into the river and bury you with Xiao Qi.”

I was so scared I trembled, nodding frantically.

Not long after, my classmates noticed something was wrong with me.

My voice was loud and deep. I ran and moved nothing like a girl. Even the way I held my pen was stiff and awkward.

Zhang Hao—the fat kid—led the teasing.

“You’re not a girl at all! You’re a fake girl!”

He snatched my schoolbag, scattered my books all over the floor, grabbed my long hair, and slammed me into the wall.

My forehead hit the cold tiles. Tears welled up, but I bit my lip and didn’t let them fall—Mom had said girls weren’t allowed to cry.

“Look at it—must be some unwanted bastard!”

“No wonder he wears old clothes. Just a substitute!”

Those filthy words stabbed straight into my heart.

I curled up in the corner, hands over my head, letting them kick my legs.

Only when the teacher ran over did Zhang Hao reluctantly leave with the others. Before going, he turned back and made a face at me.

“I’ll deal with you again tomorrow!”

When I got home, my floral dress was covered in dust. My knees were scraped raw, blood seeping out.

Father squatted down and carefully treated my wounds, his movements gentle, eyes red.

“Haohao… you’ve suffered.”

“Dad, I want to be myself.” I grabbed his clothes, my voice almost begging. “I want to wear shirts. I want short hair. I don’t want to be Xiao Qi anymore.”

Father’s hand froze. He shook his head.

“Wait a little longer. When your mom’s emotions stabilize, I’ll talk to her.”

But that “wait a little longer” lasted far too long—and the bullying at school only grew worse.

Zhang Hao and the other boys clung to me constantly, calling me “neither male nor female,” calling me a “monster.”

Once during PE, they trapped me in the bathroom and forced my clothes off to prove I was a boy.

Cold tiles pressed against my skin. My screams were drowned out by their laughter. Tears mixed with humiliation and kept flowing.

“Look! He really is a boy!” Zhang Hao waved my jacket and shouted proudly. “Liar! You’ve been tricking us this whole time!”

I desperately covered myself, curled on the floor, shaking all over.

Only when the PE teacher passed by did they panic and run—before leaving, they dumped a bucket of cold water straight over me.

“Next time you pretend to be a girl, we’ll strip you naked and throw you into the schoolyard!”

My lips turned purple from the cold as I dragged my soaked body home.

When Mother saw me like that, her first words weren’t concern—but fury:

“Why are you so weak and cowardly?! Letting people strip you like that—how humiliating!”

“They bullied me…” I trembled, trying to explain.

“Why don’t they bully someone else instead of you?”
Mother cut me off, her eyes full of disgust. “It’s obviously because nobody likes you, because you exposed yourself! How many times have I told you—you have to be like Xiao Qi, you have to be gentle! Why can’t you ever remember?”

She grabbed the feather duster and whipped it hard against my body.

“This is for not remembering! This is for disgracing Xiao Qi!”

I didn’t dodge. I let the blows rain down on me, the burning pain spreading through my body.

I stared at Mother’s twisted face, my heart freezing over.

Three years of grievance, pain, and humiliation surged up like a tidal wave and completely drowned me.

What had I done wrong, after all?

Was surviving—just by luck—really enough to deserve all of this?

When Father came home from work and saw me covered in injuries, trembling and curled up, he finally couldn’t hold it in anymore and argued with Mother.

“Wanqing, that’s enough! Haohao has suffered more than enough!”

“He’s suffered?” Mother screamed, tears streaming down her face. “I lost my daughter! I’m the one who’s suffering the most!”

She stroked her belly. “If it weren’t for Xiao Qi, I would’ve wanted to die long ago!”

Father looked at her and closed his eyes in exhaustion.

“Wake up. Xiao Qi is gone. Haohao is our son, not Xiao Qi’s substitute.”

“No! He is!” Mother screamed in madness.

That night, I hid under the blanket and cried for a long, long time.

6

Mother bent down and saw the words in the diary. She cried even harder.

She collapsed to the floor, clutching the diary tightly.

“Haohao… I’m sorry.”

At that moment, a sharp pain suddenly seized her abdomen. Her face went pale as she doubled over, holding her stomach.

“Lao Chu… my stomach hurts…”

Father hurried to support her.

“Hurry! To the hospital!”

When they returned to the hospital and finished the examination, the doctor said that Mother’s excessive emotional distress had caused complications in the pregnancy and that she needed to be hospitalized for observation.

Lying on the hospital bed, Mother stared at the ceiling with empty eyes, repeatedly calling my name.

“Haohao, come back… Mommy will buy you lots of shirts, Mommy will cut your hair short and make it look nice…”

Father sat beside the bed, holding her hand in silence.

On his face, there was nothing left but exhaustion and regret.

As night fell, I hovered beside Mother’s hospital bed, looking at her haggard appearance. An indescribable feeling welled up inside me.

Mom, I don’t blame you anymore.

I know—you just loved Xiao Qi too much.

It’s just that the way you loved her hurt me.

If there is another life, I don’t want to be your child again.

Mother’s emotions were extremely unstable. The doctor said she needed to remain hospitalized to avoid affecting the child in her womb.

I hovered in the ward, watching Mother stroke her belly as tears soaked the blanket.

“Xiao Qi, your brother is gone… Mommy is sorry to him…”

Father sat beside the bed and handed her a peeled apple.

“From now on, we’ll take good care of Xiao Qi. We’ll also visit Haohao often and make up for everything we owe him.”

Mother took the apple and bit into it. Tears fell again.

“I used to think he was just a substitute. But after he left, I realized—he was just himself. He was my Haohao, not anyone’s shadow.”

She looked out the window.

“That day, when I scolded him like that… he must have been in so much pain.”

I drifted to the window and looked at the plane tree outside.

The leaves had turned yellow, falling one by one, like butterflies in flight.

I remembered when I was little, before Mother had my sister. She used to bring me here to play, lift me up so I could reach the leaves, and call me her little treasure.

Those days were the happiest time of my life.

In the days that followed, Mother remained hospitalized to rest, while Father ran back and forth between the hospital and home every day.

He went home daily to clean my room, fix parts of my transforming robot toy, and place fresh flowers on my desk.

It was as if he were trying to make up for it—to repay the three years of debt he had left me to bear alone.

Father went to school and found the children who had bullied me, forcing them to apologize.

After that, he discussed things with Teacher Li and arranged for the entire class to attend my funeral.

At the funeral, my classmates cried. Even those who had bullied me had red, swollen eyes.

They lowered their heads, unable to speak, their faces filled with guilt.

“Haohao, I’m sorry…” Zhang Hao said softly, his voice trembling with sobs. “We shouldn’t have bullied you. We didn’t know your life was so hard. We shouldn’t have called you a monster or stripped your clothes… can you forgive us?”

I hovered in front of them, looking at their remorse, and felt no hatred at all.

In truth, they were just children too—blinded by ignorance and cruelty.

I wanted to tell them that I had already forgiven them, but they couldn’t hear me.

Mother wore black and clutched my photo tightly, tears never stopping.

In the photo, I was still the long-haired boy wearing my sister’s old floral dress—the one Mother had forced me to wear for the picture, saying only then did I look like Xiao Qi.

Aunt Zhang placed a pink shirt in front of my tombstone, gently touching my engraved name and choking back tears.

“Haohao… wearing shirts really looks beautiful. Grandma even bought you many ties. They’re all here now.”

The ties she brought—pink, black, even plaid—were arranged into a small corner in front of the grave, like a tiny garden of colors.

Father stood nearby, holding the cloth doll I loved most.

He placed it on the gravestone and whispered softly, as if to himself:

“Haohao… I’m sorry. I didn’t protect you back then.”

Mother pressed my photo onto the tombstone and gently stroked my face in it.

“Haohao… Mom was wrong. I shouldn’t have poured all my longing for Xiao Qi onto you. Can you come back? I won’t force you to wear girls’ clothes anymore. I won’t scold you again.”

She took a safety-lock pendant from her bag, engraved with the words “Long life and peace.”

“This was for you… but I never got the chance to give it to you.”

The pendant glimmered in the sunlight, just like the one I used to wear when I was little.

I hovered quietly beside Mother, watching her hang the pendant on the gravestone, watching her cry as she said:

“Haohao, Mommy misses you.”

Something suddenly ached in my chest.

If only she had treated me like this before… how wonderful that would have been.

7

After being discharged from the hospital, Mother cleaned my room thoroughly.

She put away all of my sister’s photos and replaced them with the only photo of me wearing a shirt—the one Aunt Zhang had secretly taken on my eighth birthday.

That day, I wore the little shirt she gave me and smiled as brightly as the sun.

Mother placed the photo on my desk and wiped it clean every single day.

She even brought the pink cradle back into my room and set it by the window.

“Haohao,” she said softly, stroking the edge of the cradle. “This was for Xiao Qi. Now it’s for you. When you were little, you never got to sleep in a cradle. Mommy wants to make it up to you.”

She spread pink bedsheets embroidered with little dinosaurs—perfect for the shirt Aunt Zhang had given me.

Aunt Zhang came over every day to help Mother cook and keep her company.

She told Mother about things I’d done at school—how I helped classmates, assisted teachers—and said I was a good child.

Mother listened carefully, tears streaming down her face, yet smiling.

“My Haohao really is a good boy.”

As time passed, Mother’s belly grew larger.

She often sat in my room and told me stories—about her and Father, about me when I was little.

“I used to think only about Xiao Qi and forgot you. Now I know I was wrong… Haohao, can you forgive Mommy?”

I hovered beside her and nodded with a smile.

Mom, I forgave you a long time ago.

Seeing you like this now truly makes me happy.

In winter, Mother gave birth to a baby girl.

The baby’s eyes were big and round—she looked like Xiao Qi, and also like me.

Father named her Chu Nianran, meaning “remembering Haohao.”

Mother held Nianran and smiled gently.

“Haohao, look—this is your little sister. Mommy will take good care of her and will always remember you.”

Nianran was very well-behaved—she rarely cried or fussed.

Mother often carried her into my room and told little stories.

“Haohao, today Nianran learned how to smile. She looks just like you did when you were little.”

“Haohao, today Nianran got her first tooth. She even bit Mommy—but it didn’t hurt at all.”

I quietly floated beside them, watching Nianran grow day by day.

When she learned to crawl, she liked crawling into my cradle to play.

When she learned to walk, she carried my doll everywhere.

When she learned to speak, her first word wasn’t “Mom” or “Dad”—it was “Brother.”

When Nianran called out “Brother,” Mother hugged her and cried.

“Haohao, did you hear that? Nianran is calling you.”

Mother brought her to my grave.

“Come on, call your brother. Tell him we miss him very much.”

Nianran looked at my photo on the tombstone with wide eyes and said loudly:

“Brother, I miss you!”

Sunlight shone on the gravestone. The safety pendant sparkled brightly.

I hovered in front of the grave, looking at their backs, whispering in my heart:

“Mom and Dad, goodbye. I hope you stay safe and well. May Nianran grow up peacefully and happily.”

A gentle breeze passed by, carrying the faint scent of flowers.

I knew—it was time for me to go.

This time, there was no attachment, no regret.

Because I knew my parents would live well, and Nianran would live on for me too.

My final wish had finally come true.

I drifted toward the sunset, my consciousness slowly dissolving.

Goodbye, world—
the world I once loved, once hated, once suffered in, and once longed for.

In the next life,
may all of us… be treated with gentleness.

— THE END