When my mother-in-law came to visit and saw my husband washing the dishes, she grabbed them and broke all the dishes, called me over and said, “Can you be my wife or should I marry someone else for my son?”
“Can you be my wife…?” – A storm of saas-bahu Filipino style in the kitchen
That night, after dinner in the Mandaluyong apartment, I was still cleaning the kitchen when my husband Marco rolled up his sleeves and stood by the sink, creating a sparkling Joy dishwashing liquid on the stainless steel dishes and bowls. I was glad he knew how to share the household chores. At that moment, my mother-in-law – everyone calls her Nanay Lourdes – suddenly stopped.
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When she entered the living room and saw her son washing the dishes, her face darkened. When he didn’t say anything, he walked straight to the front, snatched the bowl from Marco’s hand and threw it on the tiled floor with a “clang”. He threw the pile of dishes into the sink and shouted:
“What kind of dignity is this house? Should my son wash the dishes? Can you be my wife or will I find another wife for my son?”
The sound of the dishes breaking and his seductive voice left me speechless. I quickly ran outside, Marco panicked and grabbed Mom’s hand:
“Mom, what are you doing? I was just helping Aira wash a little…”
But Mom Lourdes pushed her hand away, her eyes bulging:
“Chup! It’s embarrassing for a man to be like this! I’m telling you…” – she pointed straight at my face – “If you let my son do any more housework, don’t blame me for finding someone else who knows how to be a husband to replace you!”
I was shaking, my throat was tight. My body was on fire, and resentment flared up and I stopped. Suddenly Marco stood in front of me, his voice harsh:
“You’re too much! This is my wife, this house is ours. I did this voluntarily, no one forced me. If you continue to despise my wife like that, don’t interfere!”
Suddenly the apartment fell silent, like a bowstring. Mother Lourdes looked up, her hands shaking with anger. I was shocked – both hurt and touched that my husband had dared to stand up to protect me.
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After smashing the bowl and screaming, my mother-in-law left that night, her face sad, not even looking back. I crouched down next to the pile of broken pieces, tears streaming down my face.
The next morning, the whole family found out about the incident – the news spread quickly on the family’s Viber and among gossipy neighbors. Several Aunts called and complained:
What kind of woman makes her mother-in-law angry? What happens when a man does a woman’s job?
That evening, Mother Lourdes brought the two Aunts and three Ditas to a family meeting right in my living room. She sat in the middle of the sofa, her voice harsh:
“My daughter married a husband to take care of the house, not to be her husband’s helper. She once washed the dishes, so what next? If this girl doesn’t change, I swear I’ll marry her to another husband – someone more reasonable!”
I bit my lip until it bled, my hands shaking. Before I could even open my mouth, Auntie spoke:
“You’re still young, you don’t have children yet. If you don’t know what’s right, you’ll lose your husband in no time. There are many men these days who want to marry you.”
Every word was like a knife piercing my heart. I tried to stay calm, my throat was numb. Marco came home from work a little while later. Seeing the whole family surrounding him, his face turned pale. She went straight to the middle, her voice cold:
“Mom, I beg you not to drag relatives into our private affairs. Aira did nothing wrong. I wash the dishes because I want to, no one is forcing me. If you insist on sharing, it’s embarrassing, I’ll say it directly: you despise your own child!”
The room was silent. The girls looked at each other, no one dared to speak. Mother Lourdes trembled with anger, pointed her finger directly at me, her voice seemed to shout:
“Very good! From now on, I consider this daughter-in-law to be out of the house!”
After saying that, she stood up and left. The air was thick with the smell of sweat, the Joy dishwashing liquid and masala chai cooled on the table.
I sat down, my eyes red – both embarrassed and confused. I knew that this Mother-in-law-in-law battle was just beginning; I still had many stormy days ahead of me. But at least now I knew that I was not alone: Marco stood by my side, as a respectful and loving husband.