Grandma, I sit and write these lines with a heavy heart that I haven’t dared to say out loud for a long time. I tried to endure, I tried to keep quiet so that everything would pass, but now I feel like I can’t bear it anymore. I need you – I need an adult who believes in me, who protects me.
My aunt told me not to sit, lie down, or even sleep; My aunt forced me to stand for hours, many days I had to stay up until 12 o’clock at night without a break just to do the things that tired me. I stood until my legs hurt, my eyes were swollen, but my aunt still shouted: “Stand up and stand up, don’t cry.” Whenever I was so tired, I just cried silently, because I knew that if my aunt found out, I would be scolded even more, forced to work part-time.
Not only that, but my aunt also forced me to do things that were too much for my age: cleaning the house, carrying heavy things, cleaning for hours without giving me a break. When I asked for water or a full bowl of rice, my aunt said “I’m not worthy”, and only gave me a little. One day I was so hungry that I felt dizzy, my throat was dry, I only dared to drink and then suck it again, because I was afraid that if I asked for too much, I would be scolded for being greedy.
Whenever I was sick, I didn’t dare to speak; my aunt would yell at me pretending to hide at work. Sometimes I had a fever and was shaking, my aunt would even drain all the hot water to force me to take a cold bath and then stand outside the door and look at it as if inspecting. I was so cold and scared that I couldn’t cry. At those times, I felt like a child who wasn’t allowed to be weak, who wasn’t allowed to be hurt.
My aunt wouldn’t let me close my bedroom door. Every night, I had no privacy – my aunt would open the door, come in, check in, even rummag through my belongings, making me lose all sense of security. You couldn’t change clothes or rest in your own room without being watched. I felt every sadness, every tear was considered a mistake. When I accidentally cried, my aunt would wipe me on the floor with my shirt – which made me feel embarrassed and wanted to reach the ground.
Grandma, I tried to tell you a story once, but I was afraid that she might not understand or be busy, and then everything would continue. I was also afraid that if you found out what I told you, you would punish me even more severely. I tried to stop it, I tried to hide it so that my family wouldn’t be disturbed, but I couldn’t do it. I lost sleep, my studies went down, I found myself shrinking even more, no laughter.
I am writing this letter to tell you two very important things: You need to be trusted and you need to be safe. I am not writing to slander anyone, I don’t want to cause trouble, I just want a peaceful corner to grow up, eat enough, sleep enough, have time to hug and say I am scared without being laughed at.